Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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