Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Blood and glitter go together right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
