I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
