Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
