"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
