i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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