sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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