I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
