walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
