I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
