dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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