I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
