Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
