I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
