Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize