Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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