He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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