i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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