I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
