she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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