its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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