ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize