Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
