Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
