i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
