Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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