Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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