I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
