I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
