theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
