A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
