I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
