So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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