My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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