I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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