guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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