Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can tuck mytits in my pants
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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