please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
