Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize