In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
