Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
