He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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