eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
