I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
