flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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