So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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