I accidentally had phone sex last night
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
MIDGETS
????
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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