It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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