party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
