I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
