I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
