oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
