The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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