You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
