guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
