Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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