come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
