going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
