Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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