Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
