next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
