What a fucking waste of an outfit
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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