remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize